Ask me anything http://formspring.me/hopefuljanet

Its almost. . .

Christmas time!

May Christmas bring you wonderful moments that become sweet memories. :)

I was super productive today! And now to decide, do I buy more Christmas cards and send more snail mail love?! (Leave your address in the comments or message it to me!:)

I was struggling

I have been having a really hard time finding hope in my daily life.

I couple months ago, in March, I chatted with a good friend about how "shitty" I thought the world was. We talked for hours and she helped me brainstorm on ways I could restore my "hope in the world."

She suggested that I ask phi lambs to tell me a story about where they've seen love/hope or make a note on Facebook and ask people to respond with cool and inspiring stories. I told her that the problem with asking people, in general and through Facebook notes, is that people don't respond and instead of finding love and hope and feeling loved, I would feel hurt.

I attempted to make a journal collection of little things in life that brought me hope. Strangers doing random acts of kindness.

Today, I found a website that does that. Givesmehope.com I have been up for the last hour reading small stories. I cried my eyes out.

My hope is slowly being restored.

Will you share? What gives you hope?

"Overheard/Overseen"

A: If only I had something prestigious to be excited about
B: Oh girl you are an amazing person with a megabig heart! That is exciting in itself!
A: Yeah, but what can my megaheart do it is sad?
B: You love everyone unconditionally.
A: Loving unconditionally gets hard

I wish I was more opinionated. I wish I was articulate.

So that I could articulate my opinions.

The list is slowly growing

46. Learn to sow and sow a dress for myself.
47. Learn to knit/crochet and as a result knit a scarf and crochet a kleenex box cover (like the one my grandma made for me!)

43. Go fishing and catch a fish!
44. Cut my hair, way above my shoulders.
45. Dye my hair a drastic color.

41. Be the MOH in a wedding
42. Fill up my passport with stamps from different countries (See a lot of countries)

Things that made me smile today

1. Seeing my adorable nephew crawling around. I babysat him today and unfortunately, he is sick. . .but I loved seeing him smile and laugh with me despite being sick. (I used the word love. . .because it applies to a person. If you don't know my issue with the word love, read my other blog entry to be up to date:)

2. Kelly. Kelly was my family's first long-term pet in Modesto. She died May 14, 2003. She was my absolute favorite pet. Ever. She was always around when I needed her and she had the most amazing tricks. She was a bilingual dog! Just thinking about her and holding Kelly, the only stuffed animal I took to college my first year, (that has the real Kelly's old collar around its neck) made me/makes me warm and fuzzy inside.

3. My speech class. I presented a persuasive speech today and got to talk about the importance of community service/civic engagement. We do critiques after each speech, both verbal ones and written ones. On one of my critiques someone (a boy!) wrote that I "dressed for the occasion" and that I looked "professional yet stunning." What a sweet comment! Definitely a self-esteem booster. He must have liked my new boots (What did I ever do without these boots! I haven't stopped wearing them since I bought them! And they are actually on my feet, right now. . .despite the fact that I am in bed!:)

60 away

34. Own a home with a porch swing.
35. Pick apples from an apple farm
36. Have long nails (as a result of not biting my nails)
37. Do a solo skydive
38. Live in a big city
39. Gallop on a horse
40. Have a date on a playground

Bittersweet Visit

I've been asked, "How was your visit to Texas." The shortest way to answer is with one word, "Bittersweet."

its been awhile

. . .I haven't updated my "100" list. Its hard. Not sure why. I wonder if I am trying to make this list super exciting or something, yet I want to keep it reasonable and practical. I'll add some practical things to my list today.

33. Obtain a Master's in Nursing

ok thats evidently all I have.

100 continued

17. Have a husband and kids
18. Own a home
19. Work close enough to walk or ride a bike from my house
20. Visit the jungle
21. See the grand canyon
22. Visit all the national parks in the US
23. Speak on the floor of congress
24. Have my own compost/garden
25. See a broadway musical
26. Go to Greece
27. Learn sign language
28. Get my tattoo
29. Have a picnic on the beach
30. Fly a plane
31. Help find a cure for cancer
32. Go a year without eating chocolate

Making a 100 list is more difficult than I expected

I just registered

I just registered for the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for a Cure, a 60 mile walk over the course of three days. . .you can join me as I take an amazing journey in the fight to end breast cancer! (and all cancers!) I am still personalizing my page and I will be personalizing my page throughout the next couple of weeks, but if you are interested in supporting the fight, please donate at http://www.the3day.org/goto/Janet.DelReal I have committed to raising $2,300 in the next 337 days :)

If there is one thing I can say I hate, I say, I hate cancer . . .a lot. Sometimes, I don't really understand my own motivation, but I do know that cancer causes so much pain, physically-during treatments, emotionally and mentally. I also know that when people I love are in pain and people who I don't know are in pain, i want to do anything and everything in my power to relieve them of such pain. I join the fight, in an attempt to spread the HOPE.

Hope, is a beautiful four letter word that I can honestly say is my favorite word in the dictionary, hence my username "hopefuljanet"

My 100 List

This is the start of my 100 list, my list of one hundred things I want to do

1. Live in a third world country for an extended period of time (a minimum of one year)
2. Ride in a Hot Air Balloon
3. Play a musical object (and do it well)
4. Rescue a dog
5. See a Stepping competition live
6. Cross the border, like my parents did.
7. Walk/Run a Marathon
8. Donate an organ or bone marrow
9. Road-trip up and down California
10. Go to Disney World
11. Go to the World Cup
12. Meet Shakira
13. Make a scrapbook, for myself
14. Take a week long hike in the wilderness
15. Learn to surf
16. Meet [at least] one of my sponsored children
. . .and the list will continue

More Random Thoughts

I will no longer be using the word love, unless it is directed at a person. The four letter word is a strong noun, adjective and verb and I want find a better way to articulate myself without the word love. (EG 1) "I really enjoy this song," in contrast to "I love this song" 2) "I think your necklace is beautiful" in contrast to "I love your necklace") But i can say, I love you mom. I love you, dad. Love you, brother. Love you, sisters. I love you, best friends. Love you. . .I want people to know that when I say it, I truly mean it :)

I have a deep appreciation for music (I would have once said: I love music) and I decided that I want to not only appreciate music, I want to create it. I think I might take up piano/keyboard.

Random Thoughts. . .

. . .random thoughts that I thought about sharing on facebook and twitter. . .but then decided to only share with you-whoever you are.

I am a high self monitor (See my social psychology blog . . .I'd paste the link, but I don't know how) and it gets me in 'trouble' in regards to likability among people my age.

Today I didn't get to see/hear the news till 10pm. I didn't find out about the UT Shooting until 10pm PST and the events happened at 8am CT. I didn't get to watch/hear the Brown/Whitman Debate. I didn't hear/see the deaths in Cuidad Jaurez and Mexcio in general. I can't decide if not knowing the news was a good or bad thing.

I am thankful

It has been a crumby day and week so far, in regards to work, physical/emotional feelings, and decisions made by the Senate; yet I have to be thankful and I want to take time out-at least for a minute-to say thank you.

Most importantly, thank you, Lord and Savior for giving me this day (as 'poopy' as it was). Thank you for waking me up (literally) as I drove home from a 10 hour day at work, when I was feet away from the car in front of me. Thank you for giving me good brakes on my car. Thank you for my car. Thank you letting me get to a gas station to fill up my gas tank. Thank you for providing me with a job that helped me earn money to pay for the gasoline I put in my car. Thank you for the iPod (and the generous friends, who gave me the iPod) that helps me make sense of my feelings and emotions, providing aiding and soothing sounds through an earphone as I drive. Thank you for my parents. Thank you allowing me to be born in the United States of America. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to attend the university of my choice and thank you for the lessons you taught me while I was away at school; the friends and sisters you provided me with, while I was at SU. Thank you for the food on my table and the gum in my purse. Thank you for the clean water in my nalgene bottle. Thank you for my colored pencils and my blue bic pens. Thank you for the Sally Hansen Diamond Strength nail hardener that is helping me kick my nail biting habit. Thank you.

Waitlisted

I just spent the last 2 hours closing and opening facebook on my browser as well as Southwestern's homepage. I miss school, I miss Southwestern and as a result, I spent the evening living vicariously through my student friends.

I will not miss school next week-because I will, hopefully, be taking four evening classes. I am waitlisted for all four classes unfortunately, a concept I do not understand because I went to Southwestern; a university in which, if I wanted to take a class, I simply registered for it. I was never waitlisted.

My potential classes are each three hours long, once a week.
Monday, 6:00-9:05pm: Fundamentals of Public Speaking (Wait #12 of 13).
Tuesday, 6:30-935pm: Human Lifespan Development (Wait#13 of 20).
Wednesday, 6:30-9:35pm: Introduction to Neuroscience (Wait #1 of 3).
Thursday 6:30-9:35pm: Cultural Anthropology (Wait#19 of 30).

Human Lifespan Development and Intro to Neuroscience are both psychology classes that I am taking for fun, in contrast, Cultural Anthropology and Fundamentals of Public Speaking are pre-reqs for a Master's program. . .a master's program in nursing. I think, as of right now, I will apply in the Fall of 2011 for a Master's in Nursing. Ideally, I want to find a dual Master's program, Nursing and Social Work, but I have had no luck finding said program. Does it exist? I also need Human Anatomy, Nutrition and a third English class for a Master's program, but Modesto Junior College did not offer these classes in the evening (I am working full time, 8-4:30, M-F and I have a 45 minute commute). If I do not get into Anthrophology and/or Fundamentals of Public Speaking, I'll be taking all five classes next semester at any and all of the junior colleges/universities in the 209 (MJC, Columbia, Delta, and CSU Stanislaus) Wish me luck!

- a hopeful, janet

I've quit

I have quit facebook and twitter. I have quit them both for at least the next week. I'm still discovering reasons to minimize the use of social networking, but I will say, its tough to quit cold turkey. I have a whole list of things that I want to accomplish with my free time, including but not limited to: snail mail (If you give me your address, I'll write!), scrapbooks (some of which are over a year overdue birthday/graduation presents), and establishing academic goals. I would also like to spend my free time making phone calls. Business phone calls as well as personal calls to friends and family. (I wish I had a bluetooth handsfree device to use while I drive).

The idea to quit facebook came to me Sunday night after I'd spent a good 45 minutes on Facebook. . .the next morning, my iPod played Ken Block's "We Don't Talk Anymore". . .I took the song as an affirmation to quit.

Used to lie awake
And talk away
Whatever things were hanging in the air
Spoke adventures and philosophies
Now the conversation's ended
Cause you can't stop flipping around

We got news at eleven
We got sinners selling Heaven
We got infomercial dramas
We got MTV
We spend hours now online
Anything to pass the time
All I know is that we never talk anymore
No

Used to walk around and talk about
War, religion, and people on the street
Critique the books we read
And the trials of our parents
And we'd scream through happy hour
Wondering where we were going to eat

We got news at eleven
We got sinners selling Heaven
We got infomercial dramas
We got MTV
We spend hours now online
Anything to pass the time
All I know is that we never talk anymore
No

Can't you see I'm looking backwards
My friend
I'm lonely here and I need somebody to talk to
Won't you listen
How you listened
When this all got started

Used to hug the phone and talk to sleep
And wake up with it warm against your soul
And I would fall asleep just listening to you breathing
Now you screen your machine
And you hug your remote control

We got news at eleven
Political parties into Heaven
We got infomercial dramas
We got MTV
We spend hours now online
Anything to pass the time
All I know is that we never talk anymore
No

We got news twenty four seven
We got Letterman, Jay and Conan
We got wealthy TV psychics
We got VH1
We spend hours now online
Even porn to pass the time
All I know is that we never talk anymore
No
We don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore
We don't talk anymore


Its past my bed time. . .yes, my bed time is 10:30.

La Familia Del Real

La Familia Del Real y el alcohol

The beauty of my weekend with my family.

A note to myself, when I am missing my sisters and friends that I made in Texas:
-You love your family and being around for big, important family events (in contrast to being in Texas) is worth it

more to come.

Ignorance is Bliss

[This is a note to myself to think about April 2003 and the thoughts provoked sitting next to my brother, a three time Veteran, during a viewing of Green Zone]

I'm hoping, I'll think and then sort my thoughts on Blogspot. Maybe

I need a job

I need a job.

Point blank.

Have I been actively searching for a job? No I have not.

Why? Because I can't get a job and then ask for time off when my friends come to visit me in July.

I really need to get a job because I am bored out of my mind. There is only so much Sudoku I can do. There is only so much reading I can do. There is only so much loafing by the pool I can do. There is only so much cleaning I can do. There is only so much Facebook creeping and gmail checking I can do.

Can someone just hire me? I have a bachelor of science degree in Biology. Isn't worth something? I have tons of leadership and organizing experience and I'm friendly (most of the time:) I've applied, officially at Target and at Heinz (as a Laboratory Chemist) and I have filled out applications for Sephora and Beyer Living Center, but I haven't turned in my applications or my resume. Where else can I/should I apply?

I haven't changed

I've been running into old friends and acquaintances from high school and it blows my mind that many of them say I haven't changed. People who hadn't seen me in years, could still pinpoint my fashion style and my extracurriculars. It blew my mind a bit--rather it blows my mind.

Really, I haven't changed after four years of college? What was the point then, of pursuing a college degree at a University in a completely unfamiliar part of the country?

Randomly, an old song I use to love popped into my head. I use to love it because it described me in the summer of 2007 and it scares me a bit that three years later, it still describes me.

Tied Together with a Smile by Taylor Swift

Seems the only one who doesn't see your beauty
Is the face in the mirror looking back at you
You walk around here thinking you're not pretty
But that's not true, cause I know you

Hold on baby you're losing it
The water's high you're jumping in to it
And letting go and no one knows
That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone


Guess its true that love is all you wanted
Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change
Hoping it will end up in his pocket
But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain
Oh cause it's not his price to pay
It's not his price to pay

Hold on baby you're losing it
The water's high you're jumping in to it
And letting go and no one knows
That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone

oh oh oh oh
Hold on baby you're losing it
The water's high you're jumping in to it
And letting go and no one knows
That you cry but you don't tell anyone
That you might not be the golden one
And you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone

Because. . .I have hope. . .

I have hope. . . once in a while. . .sometimes. . .most of the time?

HOPE.

A powerful four letter word.